


Autumn Leaves

by Holyangelheart



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Contains possible spoilers if you haven't finished the TG manga, Hopeful Ending, I haven't caught up on TG:RE so ignore me please, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not Beta Read, Oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 20:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5262344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holyangelheart/pseuds/Holyangelheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is for totalshenanigans on Tumblr so I'm mainly just writing this in thought of him. The leaves during Autumn are really beautiful but for some they're just in the background. Others cherish it, but for the two of them, it's more complicated than that. This contains a lot of angst, it's normal for me so I'm not sure if it's considered heavy or not. I didn't kill anyone though! Technically. This was meant to be short and sweet but it's around 2,000 words. I'm so sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Autumn Leaves

_Fall is the season where the leaves change color, a deep green that transforms into brilliant shades of reds, yellows, and browns._

_Sidewalks become covered in fallen leaves, loud crunch sounds echo as people pass each other by. For some the scenery was just a blur in their long day, for others their steps taken down the streets were a reminder of how beautiful the season is._

_For a small amount of people, however, fall was just a warning that all beautiful things must come to an end as winter soon approaches. Instead of leaves, the trees will be bear and the streets slippery. The cold could be felt deep down in their bones._

_But, you always found a way to make the fallen days memorable. As long as you were by my side, I could handle the harshest of snowstorms. Now I can’t even handle the rain from a beautiful sun shower._

 

**-x-x-**

 

> **“Deep In Earth”**
> 
> _Deep in earth my love is lying_
> 
> _And I must weep alone_
> 
> Edgar Allan Poe

 

 

Special pumpkin spiced treats, a delicious cup of seasonal flavored coffee; they were things that people treasured in such a season. But for him the bright golds and burgundy hues were just different shades of gray. He grew to dread the winter, the autumn wind just a sign of the threat to come.

Lonely nights consisted of him hugging a scorching hot cup of tea just to survive the drop in temperature. He worried that if he were to fall asleep without the warmth of a heater, he might not wake up from his deep slumber. He forced himself to stay awake, practically suffocating underneath multiple layers to retain the sparse body heat he still kept.

The next morning he would have to assimilate into society, pretend that he wanted to be there. There was nothing he’d like more than to dig a hole into the ground and hibernate until the flowers bloom and the frost melts. Maybe he was hiding from more than just the chilly breeze.

Still, he looked forward to pasting a fake smile on his face. He could already imagine the harsh wind whipping against his cheek tomorrow morning while gripping a fresh cup of tea. But luckily, there was one thing he could look forward to without sarcasm and that was the forced smile on another’s face.

Their habits were easier to grasp, noticeable through minor scrutiny. He could tell when they were hiding something, the smile on their lips seemingly larger the more they fed themselves bottomless lies.

With the two of them walking side by side, the scenery around them lit up in vibrant colors. The sun shining through the autumn foliage above was truly ethereal. The warmth he yearned for wasn’t in something materialistic. It was in the sincere moments he experienced in their presence. The fluttering of their eyes as they chuckled at his lame jokes, the way they shook their head when he made them giggle, it was in the important details that only he seemed to notice.

Sometimes the puff of air that escaped their trembling lips as they tried to recover was like an invitation to give them the oxygen in his lungs. The tiny gap between their lips teased him, asking him to part them some more. Instead he preferred the rosy color on their cheeks, using their warmth to ease the cold along his fingertips, an excuse just to ignore the strong cravings he hid beneath the surface.

They met long ago and have been inseparable ever since. Yet there were many things they didn’t know about each other. Their simple habits usually went unnoticed, only witnessed by those who forged a bond strong enough to see through their façade.

Things began to show through the tiny cracks in their masks as they spent years side by side. It was weird. Simple phrases could make them burst out into laughter. Their body hunched over as their shoulders shook, their eyes watery and throat tender. Such a sight caused him to smile, a genuine lift of his lips. Only they could do that.

He learned to choose their words carefully, dancing along that fine line until the earth beneath him finally parted, and he fell through the cracks. He never meant to fall for them.

All he wanted was another human to spend his miserable days with, to ease the pain that he planned to endure alone. He never meant for this to happen. He never meant to _love_ him.

Like the crunching of fallen leaves, the chinks in his armor crumbled.

He fell into a rushing river; the emotions he obscured behind a large dam broke free and he saw no sign of it stopping.

At first he just wanted someone to call a friend, but just like the colorful leaves, he too changed.

 

**-x-x-**

 

“Hey, Hide? Hide, are you listening?”

Hide opened his eyes to see a concerned Kaneki hovering above him. The color on his cheeks brought warmth to his own. “Y-Yeah I’m listening.” Of course he wasn’t. The two took a detour home, stopping at a park to gaze at the colorful trees. He must’ve fallen asleep after a while.

Kaneki waited and then bit his lip, wondering if he should say something. “Uh…”

“Hmm, what’s wrong?”

“Well…I was just wondering when you would get off of me.”

“Huh?” Hide blinked and then realized he was using Kaneki’s lap as a pillow. He shot up and apologized repeatedly, making the other giggle in reply. The sight of Kaneki smiling made his heart stop for a moment, needing another shot of reality to wake him up.

“Are you sick?” Kaneki leaned in, checking Hide’s temperature in case he had developed a fever.

Hide shook his head, “N-Nah, I’m fine. What about you? Does your throat still hurt from earlier?” He asked.

“I’ll be fine,” Kaneki stood up and dusted off the dirt from his pants. “I’ll just drink some coffee when I get home.”

Hide shook his head and jogged to his side, falling into his slow pace. “You know I’m sure all that coffee is bad for you. You should try drinking tea with honey or something.”

Kaneki scoffed and rolled his eyes, “I won’t stop drinking coffee even if it kills me.”

The two glared at each other, one thing Kaneki was always defensive about was his daily dose of caffeine. Tension was high between them, the two standing in the middle of the sidewalk as people gave them weird glances.

Hide was the first one to break their staring contest; he looked away quickly and immediately brightened. He pointed towards the right side of the park, large clumps of leaves were just begging for a good tackle. They glanced at each other, Hide’s eyes sparkling while Kaneki’s grew tired.

“Hide—,” Kaneki warned, but it was too late.

“Nothing you say or do will stop me!” His laugh was bordering maniacal.

Someone left a rake and Hide quickly went to work turning the small clumps into hills large enough for him to jump in. Every time he heard the loud _crunch_ beneath his feet, he’d giggle quietly and Kaneki had to bite back a smile.

In no time the two gathered all of the leaves into large piles. As usual Hide mentally and physically prepared for the best thing ever. He stretched for optimal leave crunching, giggling to himself as he imagined the satisfaction. It took him a couple of minutes to calm down; he giggled so much he forgot how to breathe for a second there.

When he finally seemed to calm down, Kaneki patted his back. “Why do you make me worry so much?”

Without missing a beat, Hide replied with a chipper, “Because you love me~!”

“Hmm,” Kaneki tapped his chin in thought.

Hide waited for a retort of some sort, but Kaneki neither agreed nor argued. In anger he tackled him into the pile of leaves. As they rolled around, the crunching sounds were pushed into the back of Hide’s mind.

“H-Hide?!” Kaneki shouted as he lied down on the grass with Hide straddling him. “What’s gotten into you?”

Without a reply, Hide caressed Kaneki’s cheeks. His own fingers were cold, but Kaneki’s face warmed beneath his touch.  It was out of character for him. The smiles on their lips disappeared. His was replaced by a grimace. Kaneki’s was in a straight line.

From the daggers pointed at his back, Hide knew they were gathering an audience, but he didn’t care. Their façades were slipping.

Kaneki’s lips twitched. His face was split down the middle, a frown on one side with a small bashful smile on the other. Dark circles covered his eyes, red thread stitched on the corners, but they appeared to be healing. In his presence, only the deep red eye would bleed.

As Hide searched Kaneki’s his face reflected in his mismatched eyes. For his face was also split down the middle. One side had eyes devoid of life, matching lips that were forever turned down. The other was in a large smile, teeth shown and everything. His eye was bright, that side so bright that it casted a shadow on the other.

Unlike Kaneki, the thread stitched his mouth, not his eyes. One side was stitched shut, skin raw and cracking. The false smile was forced open, resembling the smile of a joker. From a young age he decided to become the class jester. It was better for him to keep the smile on his face so no one else could see his pain.

The only person that could make his smile less painful was Kaneki. From the start he had planned to use Kaneki, to become his friend. He planned to stick by his side through everything. Maybe in their shared presence, the walls they had built would finally crumble.

That the leak in his barricade was also found in Kaneki’s own dam. That the two of them weren’t drowning to the bottom of the sea alone. Oh, how he wished it wasn’t one-sided.

The thought of seeing Kaneki every morning at school was the only thing that made him want to go. There was no point in attending if he’d have to force a smile alone. Yet Kaneki’s walls were still intact. He couldn’t trust him with the fact he became a ghoul.

He thought the concern in his voice sounded sincere whenever Kaneki whispered his name.

But as he straddled Kaneki’s lap in public, he realized something. The façades they created were too different. Kaneki could adapt to situations, from turning to a ghoul and even getting a part time job.

Kaneki was amazing.

All he could do to help was research behind enemy walls, but even then it meant nothing.

Before he knew it, Kaneki slipped through his fingers.

A dagger through one eye and it all fell apart. Like the crunch of a dead maple leaf under his feet.

As he sat in his apartment, the lights off and the day gone, Hide could only dream of doing all those things. Tackling Kaneki to the ground to cuddle, caressing his face as a chilly breeze passed, none of it was as he dreamt it to be.

For the stitches around his lips wouldn’t allow him to completely break free from the strings suffocating him.

Now the changing of the seasons only signaled the grief to come. Deep in the ground Kaneki Ken lay and he could barely watch as his only love was taken away.

In a suitcase of all things, he watched helplessly. The bitter taste of coffee was the only thing that truly symbolized Kaneki but he still couldn’t stomach it.

The crunch of the leaves under his feet echoed in his head just like the snap of a neck beneath his hand.

Everything now blurred more than before, days turned into nights and nights turned into days. It was all an endless cycle.

For a long time it continued like that, but then he passed by some whose hair was a mix of his. Their hair was black and white coexisting to a degree just like the split personalities that he recalled.

As always, he once again changed like the seasons. This hope had been buried deep in the earth and despite falling through the cracks; he knew it would work out.

Kaneki Ken hadn’t died.

Kaneki Ken still lives.

**Author's Note:**

> *finger guns* This is why I'm not in this fandom.


End file.
